Bad Blood

Although it’s not one of my most favorite things to do, I do get a physical exam every year.

It seems they always find something that I need to work on.

It’s similar to when I take my car in for an oil change. They almost always find another issue.

But, it’s the right thing to do.

This last trip to the doctor though was a complete shocker.

After my labs came back, I heard something I had never heard before.

I have a dinosaur in my blood.

That’s right, a dinosaur.

Something called a triglyceride.

Yep, a bonafide stone-age creature in my blood.

Alright, maybe not, but doesn’t it sound like one?

The huge triglyceride lumbered toward the T-Rex.

My doctor didn’t find it funny at all.

I’ve struggled with my weight off and on for many years.

A few years ago at the urging of a friend of mine I went on the Atkins low carb diet.

It worked. I lost eighty pounds.

However, I began to lose my grip.

I found myself staring with hatred at people in restaurants eating potatoes.

I even convinced my wife to try it, but after two weeks I came home to find her crying.

“I just want a piece of bread,” she sobbed.

No more low carb diet.

Triglycerides is kind of like fat in your blood.

So now, even my blood has a weight problem.

It’s time to try again.

I’ve had lots of exercise equipment throughout the years.

Exercise bikes, elliptical machine, and treadmill.

People would come over to visit and assume I was a fitness freak. What they didn’t realize was I usually hung my pants over the treadmill.

It helped them hold a crease.

The treadmill came out again this week.

It’s a looker. State of the art. All the bells and whistles.

It went well until I started pushing buttons.

This thing raised up and kicked into high gear, causing me to run like I was being chased by a triglyceride.

I’m going to try walking the neighborhood instead and watching my diet.

The treadmill will stay up for appearances.

My pants have never looked better.

See you out there.